In our unending quest for the truth, our intrepid investigators have unearthed some little known facts about the Obama administration and the democrat congressional leadership. These little-known facts have been checked, re-checked, and double-dog checked and found to be the gospel truth, so help us Rush Limbaugh.

This is the first portion of our investigation, much more to come.

Obama’s early policies

Obama is now offering a Tax Recovery Stipend as a signing bonus to any democrat appointee to his administration. It is intended to cover any outstanding unpaid taxes, interest, and penalties. The payment should dramatically expand the pool of available talent now that being a tax scofflaw is no longer an impediment to public service.

The president has taken a firm stance on the gun issue. He stated yesterday that “I’m not against guns; I know that guns aren’t evil.” But it was later learned that that statement was incomplete – he had continued by saying that he was dead set against triggers. “Triggers are evil, dastardly things that cause injury and death to thousands of our citizens. I am therefore issuing an executive order banning triggers.”

Obama apologized for a misunderstanding regarding his use of the term “earmarks.” When he railed against earmarks, he was referring to the scratches sometimes left on body parts by earrings. Nine thousand of those would be bad, the other kind, not so bad.

Obama bristled at the characterization of his first two months as “wham bam, thank you ma’am” politics. Taxpayers are distraught, feeling that he took advantage of us. He sweet-talked us, he courted us, he said all the right things, and when he got what wanted, he ignored us. And he got what he was after without so much as a dinner and a movie (at least Gordon Brown got dinner and some movies and Obama hasn’t even screwed him ... yet).

Obama’s entire vocabulary when a teleprompter is unavailable

• Uh
• Uh, uh
• Uh, uh, uh
• Ah
• Ah, ah
• Ah, ah, ah
• Uh, ah, uh, ah, uh, ah … uhhhhhh ……… (smokes a cigarette)
• Hey man, don’t bogart that doobie
• Rama lama ding dong
• A priest, a minister, and a rabbi walk into a bar …
• Yes, Michelle
• I’m sorry, Michelle
• It’s my fault, Michelle
• Ooh, ouch, ummph, owww, please stop, owwww, that hurts! I give, I won’t do it again, Michelle

Reason that Joe Biden misspoke:

• He opened his mouth
• He was misquoted
• We misunderstood the misquote
• His misquote was taken out of context
• We misheard the context of the misquote
• We misunderstood what we thought he said when he reiterated his misstatement in a sub-context
• He isn’t fluent in the language (English)
• English is his second language, gibberish is his native tongue
• He was recovering from a dentist visit and his mouthal parts were not yet operational
• Joe had a recent tonqueotomy, it’s not yet fully healed
• He spoke before fully removing his foot
• Even after removing his foot, various shoe parts remained, preventing his proper enunciation
• Unaware that a microphone was still “live,” Biden was heard to complain “give me a bucking frake.” Bystanders were confused since no one knew what a frake was or why it was bucking
• What should we expect, he is Joe Biden

Reason for Nancy Pelosi’s haggard facial expressions lately:

• Her face needs re-spackling
• She quit using Aging Mare horse linament ‘cause it made her face break out
• The underlying plastic foundation got too hot and sagged
• Some grout is old and flaking out
• Both eyelids snapped shut when the Krazy Glue holding them open gave way
• A resulting trip to Eyelids Are Us was disappointing since her usual size (32A) was on backorder and she was fitted with 40DD lids instead
• During her most recent facial liposuction, she required emergency re-lipping when a malfunction by the liposuction machine caused it to run amok
• It’s impossible for her to smile since her mouthular nerves were hyper-extended in a freak Folsom Street Fair incident
• Two coats of Boudreaux's Butt Paste just aren’t enough
• You could shove her face in dough and make gorilla cookies

Bawney Fwank

• He twied to warn us about the Fannie/Freddie pwoblem, but the Wepublicans wefused to listen and wouldn’t weconsider
• It is weputed that he wote a bestseller, “Foot tapping your way to airport womance” under the psuedonym, Ben Dover
• Fwank’s aides deny that he was tweated in the emergency room of Saint Sodom Hospital for wemoval of a plastic banana and two plums from an unidentified orifice. Sources speculate that it was his wectum
• Representative Fwank was honored by the Pinspotters Club of Massachusetts as the only person to have accurately positioned a full rack of ten pins individually without using his hands
• Wecently, the Blue Oyster Bar retired his favorite stall in his honor

Stay tuned ... more to come